Big News!

We’ve written a book. You can buy it here.

It’s way funnier than this bullshit, and you’ll be subsidising my re-discovery of alcoholism. Yay!

#30 thing to do when you’re not drinking; Be on Time

 

Landmark #30 and I think we’re getting back to what this blog is all about; boring practicalities. You simply will not make it to work, college or your dog’s funeral on time with a hangover. Much less so when you’re still twisted from the night before. Have you ever been waiting in the pub for your mates who started drinking in the flat? It’s infuriating. They never actually arrive.

Well folks, it’s been beautiful, and unless there’s a massive outpouring of love(with the genuine possibility of groupies) I think I’ll call it a day.

#29 thing to do when you’re not drunk; tell a joke at 4am that would’ve been funny at 6pm

😉

#28 Thing to do when you’re not drinking; Christian Rock

If you’re living so clean that you could never offend anyone, it means you’ve gone too far. Now, I’m not saying you should go out and kick the next granny you see. On the contrary, start a Christian Rock Band. People will think you’re horrible, you probably will sound horrible, but you can stay nice.

Just remember to be more like this, and less like that.

#27 Thing to do when you’re not hammered; Have good sex

 

No whiskey dick, no problem. Added bonuses include knowing one another’s name, not falling asleep halfway through and being able to find all the ‘necessary equipment’.

#26 thing to do when you’re not drunk, but maybe everyone else is; Form a Cult!

 

Pass the plate bitches!

#25 Thing to do when you’re not hungover; change the lightbulbs

Well you’ve been talking about it for ages….

#24 Thing to do when you’re not drunk; break yourself

You’re in a unique position which you may never find yourself in ever again. Not only can you feel real pain, but you can tell the nice doctor how it really happened. Who knows, you may genuinely have slipped and fallen headlong into a vat of whipped cream and permanent marker ink which just happened to mould together into the shape of a penis ejaculating on your forehead. And you might genuinely cut your head open whilst playing an FAI sanctioned football match, at 5am, in a location you must keep secret for reasons of national security.

I’d believe you. Why wouldn’t they?

#23 Thing to when you’re not drinking; go the whole hogg

 

Trying to get healthy eh? Why not become a vegan too, and take up yoga. Feck it, why not just live off a diet of your own farts?

#22 Thing to do when you’re not still out from the night before; go on National Radio

Well, obviously, because only a complete fucking moron would do anything else-right? Original caricature here, cartoon here.